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考前30天狂背作文 第三章 范文点评(38)
 
08-05-05 14:07:25 来源: 作者:

Directions 10
Study the following pictures carefully and write an essay in which you should:

1. describe the pictures,

2. point out the reasons for this phenomenon, and

3. give possible solutions.

You should write 160~200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2.

 

审题:

这篇文章的结构很清晰,可分为三段来写,分别是描述图画、说明原因和给出解决办法。

Sample:

In the first picture, a beggar says, "Have pity on me,please. I am old. I am blind." In the second picture, he is eating to his heart's content in a big restaurant. He tells the waiter, "Another fish, please." We can say he is in fact a man with bright eyes.

These two pictures remind us of such a group of people who don't want to work to earn a living. Instead, they disguise themselves as beggars to make easy money. The reason for this phenomenon is rather obvious. In such a society full of competitions, some people do not want to use their own hands to make a fortune. They also can not bear a poor life, so they make such a shameful choice.

To solve this problem, the government and the common people should join their hands. On the one hand, the government should issue policies to take care of those people who are really in need of help. Those fake beggars should be educated and punished in order that they give up begging and live a decent life. On the other hand, common citizens should also extend helping hands. They should report such madeup beggars to the police as soon as possible. If they can help such people learn skills, find jobs and live a normal life, it should be much better. 

点评:

首段描述了两幅图画。

次段的前两句对图画所描述的群体做了总结--第一句话同时使用了remind...of...和who引导的定语从句,是个很好的模板句。第二句话以instead开头,凸显了对比。此句中有disguise oneself as(伪装为)和make easy money(轻松赚钱)两个词组,大家注意识记。之后对该现象做出了解释。

第三段给出了解决办法,从政府和公民两方面来说(段首的模板句清晰地表明了这一点),非常有条理。

心得:

首段的描述中要将两幅图画的对比描述出来。次段的图画总结和原因阐述采用了几乎相同的推导方式(不想工作--伪装骗钱;不想用辛勤劳动致富--做出了可耻的选择),看来有呼应之感觉。末段结构的层次感是由模板句奠定下来的,读来轻松流畅。

责任编辑:zhaotingting

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