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考前30天狂背作文 第三章 范文点评(37)
 
08-05-05 14:06:27 来源: 作者:

Directions 9
Study the following picture carefully and write an essay in which you should:

1. describe the picture,

2. point out the reasons for this phenomenon, and

3. give possible solutions.

You should write 160~200 words neatly on ANSWER SHEET 2.

 

审题:

这篇文章的提纲是图画作文另一种非常典型的提纲,在描述图画后分别给出该现象(或问题)的原因及其解决办法。这里在提纲中虽没有出现interpret the meaning(阐释含义)的字样,实际上这个步骤是不可少的,但可以做得极为简洁。

Sample:

    In this picture we are surprised to see a group of fat children who want to lose weight at a dieting center. We can't help asking such a question: why are there so many overweighted young children in present society? 

    In my belief, many reasons contribute to this undesirable result, but three of them play the dominant role. In the first place, with the development of national economy, people's living level becomes higher and higher. Grandparents and parents devote all their love to the young children, who consequently often take in much more nutrition than necessary. In the second place, more and more young boys and girls are even addicted to foreign snacks, which contain too much fat and thus do great harm to the heart and the vessels. Last but by no means the least, pressure from teachers, parents and the whole society often leaves little time for small children to take part in physical exercises.

   To solve this worrying problem, all of us should take immediate and effective measures. First, a balanced and healthy diet is often the most important factor in the making of a strong body. In this aspect, teachers and parents should do their jobs. Second, exercises should become part of their daily life-once children get used to sports, they will find it not only beneficial but also interesting.

    All of us have realized the children are the future of our nation, and we should also realize that healthy minds always dwell in healthy bodies. To fulfill this goal, all of us should work hard.

点评:

该文章仍然是四个段落。第一段非常引人注目,只用了一句话便完成了对图画的描写,还加入了表达作者心情的部分(be surprised to see)。段落中的第二句话非常关键,是将图画总结为一个大家都该来关注的社会问题--儿童的肥胖问题。第二句话的作用相当于对画图人意图的测度,只不过由于提纲的要求,这里没有单独成段,而是放到了第一段。

第二段与第三段严格按照提纲来写,分别写原因和解决办法,段落的首句都是非常精彩的模板句。第二段首句的写法请大家用心揣摩--既显得全面(句子的前半部分),又不失重点(句子的后半部分)。该段之后分为三点来写,第一点两句话由浅入深,脉络清晰。先写随着国民经济的发展,人民生活水平提高了--这句话是常常用到的经典句子,大家应熟练掌握。然后写祖父母和父母将爱都倾注在孩子们身上,导致孩子们常常营养过剩。该句中大家应首先掌握非限制性定语从句的写法,该从句的拓展性非常好,能避免连写句(runon sentence)这样的常见错误。之后大家应学习词组devote...to...和mo

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责任编辑:zhaotingting

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